Saturday, October 9th, 1999 - 9:07 - 9:31 PM

SIGNATURE'S CAFE - on my 24th Birthday

 

THE SET-UP

Easy, has a nice BAND entrance as well as a big stage. A "perfect" venue to sing at. Set-up was a breeze.

THE PERFORMANCE

SET ONE: OPEN - PARODY 1 - LOVE*

*Only did the 1st song of the set...

 

I performed for 24 minutes on my 24th Birthday and made $300. If only I knew why...

Start off and everything's smooth. I felt a little bad because some people were still trying to eat and talk. I need to start later if you're serving food late. But people enjoyed it. The lights were pretty bright so I could only see three tables. Had a younger table that was actually singing along. It seemed a bit mellow for the crowd so I threw in Parody 1 that starts off with Learn How to Drive. Definitely a good move, people were digging it. Going along pretty good - thought I'd try some nice songs again and it worked, I made 'em laugh so they were willing to hear me sing nice again. Even had two girls singing along with me. I see Marty with a sign down in front. I take it and it reads:

"SHOW'S IS OVER AFTER THIS SONG, MANAGER SAYS"

Woah...I love these moments in life. I love being in a situation where you cannot react at all, you have to continue singing or whatever, but your mind is going NUTS. It's like Marty handed me SPEED. And I'm singing a goddamn love song.

 

So what happened? No, you have to wait for 2 minutes and 30 seconds like I did. You need to freak out. Oh, and try to sing a song while you're reading this:

 

"OH SHIT NOT AGAIN...Who the hell could I have offended...are there any kids out there? I don't see any...christ, this is Champps all over again, except this guy doesn't fuck around...has it even been 20 minutes?..no wait, we talked about the risque stuff right before I went on...he was cool as hell...he even wanted to make sets where I jusmped into other TV's aropund the bar...all these plans...oh shit so did Champps back in June...christ what the hell...oh wait...here's the high note...AND if I ever...in love so true...ok so was it sex with andyman? shit it had to be sex with andyman...but people liked it...there's no kids around. MAN! Damnit...this is SOOOO NOT COOL...and how am I going to end this? I can't be onstage for 20 minutes and then yell: GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!...heh heh, I set up for an hour and then stop after 20 minutes?...I'll just say I'm taking a break..."

 

The manager walks up to me and says that the servers are telling him that people want to know when the dance music is coming back on. How long do they have to listen to this....DANCE MUSIC? What he meant was the house music. Then finally he came right out and said it: "Hey, I loved your tape, I love your act, but that big table back there wants to hear dance music. They've been in every Saturday for 3 weeks. Sorry. I can give you your check right now."

 

So, the majority of you are saying HELL YEAH...$300 for a half an hour. That rocks. But this was a BIG GIG. This could've turned into a weekly gig, but now because of a table that didn't like the show it's done? He pays $300 for no entertainment. Was the table seating PRESIDENT CLINTON? Were they buying bottles of DOM? What the HELL? I was in pure shock. He kept saying don't take it personally, and I kept thinking: "I'm NOT man, I'm trying to figure out what the hell you're thinking..." I've become pretty accustomed to the fact that managers in this town will give an act only 2 nights before they pull a plug, some places get antsy if it doesn't draw on ONE night (which is just inane)...but 24 minutes? WOW! I couldn't believe it. The money was great, and GOD KNOWS I freakin' need it, but shit. That sucks. So we tore down. Went and got some grub. And went home early. Happy fuckin Birthday. Now here's the killer:

 

Marty Moose had to stay because he had so many friends coming to see it. All the people he worked with, his mom and dad. EVERYONE! And they all showed up! About 15 people...then 5 more of my people came in. Let me apologize to Danielle, Shelby, and the Westerville boys. They all just went: "What? What are you talking about? He's not playing?" Amazing. All I can say is I hope that table makes him a lot of money, because I REALLY think we could've had something there. WOW.

 

THE REACTION

 

This is the part that I love. Had 3 tables go out of their way to find me in the parking lot, shake my hand and said they "couldn't believe it", they thought it was cool and were enjoying it. Don't know what to say. I've NEVER heard of anything like this before. I really have to assume that that table were people that the manager KNEW. And on top of that...it was because I was to MELLOW. Had nothing to do with the funny stuff. Huh? Have I just enetered the twilight zone? ADAM KONTRAS - too mellow for Gahanna...HA! :-) HAHAHAHAHA.... ROFL! OK, no one can ever again asking me why I'm moving out of Columbus. You can't! STOP! DON'T ASK! JUST REREAD THIS PAGE!