Dear John,

 

A lot of people have phoned and e-mailed me with questions about the Beatles, and about you and what my thoughts are on the 20th anniversary of your death.

 

I decided that when the bells rang and the fireworks went off last New Year's that in the year 2000 I would finally stop talking about you and the Beatles to anyone, except to say that you were all a great influence on my life musically! It's all been said and I have nothing left to offer. I feel that in the past a lot of people have considered me the book of knowledge on this subject, which I am certainly not!

 

I was born, John Charles Julian Lennon on 8th April 1963 and lived with you, for just a few years. After that I only saw you a handful of times before you were killed. Sadly, I never really knew you. I think that the work you produced was incredible and so was what you achieved with your three friends, Paul, George and Ringo. But your work hasn't given me a clear insight into what your real life was about or how you truly felt about it.

 

Life is difficult enough. Trying to find one's own identity makes it even harder, especially when you're not allowed to be you. How are you supposed to define your own character when all people want from you are answers about someone else's life, a life that you don't have answers for! I am not you dad, and I never will be! I have never lived your life and never will do! Yet a lot of people believe I have all the answers! Well - I don't! I feel sorry for all the lost souls out there who have to look outside themselves for the truth. Everything comes from within, it's just a question of being able to touch it. You learn from without but you know from within.

 

I went through a series of love/hate relationships with you, whether you were there or not. I suppose it's much like any other relationship out there, except ours was public and there for all to see whether I liked it or not. There was a lot of anger in my life during my teens and twenties, because I didn't understand what was going on or why things were the way they were. I had a great deal of anger towards you because of your negligence and your attitude to peace and love. That peace and love never came home to me.

 

I wonder what it would have been like if you were alive today. I guess it would have depended on whether you were "John Lennon" (Dad) or "John Ono Lennon" (manipulated lost soul).

 

Once I began to look at your life and really understand you, I began to feel so sorry for you, because once you were a guiding light, a star that shone on all of us, until you were sucked into a black hole and all of your strength consumed. Although you were definitely afraid of fatherhood, the combination of that and your life with Yoko led to the real break down of our relationship. We did not see each other for extended periods of time and as the saying goes, out of sight, out of mind! But the Beatles themselves played no part whatsoever in our demise.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to say that wherever you are, I hope you realise the mistakes you made as I realise them and hope never to repeat them, as you did your father's. I have a brother and I love Sean very much and I hope that he's able to cope with his destiny. One thing's for sure, he's got a big brother who will protect him and love him till the end, whatever happens!

 

Keep your chin up kiddo!

I just hope you do the right thing by Dad! May karma prevail!

 

And Dad, wherever you are, may your light shine as long as we do!

 

Julian Lennon

4th December 2000