YouTube
and Feedback
links added, and email corrected
02.12.09
...and
then today.
10:12 AM, Monday,
November 12th, 2001:
I actually had the
conversation with my father. He actually said if my
plane goes down, you'd better go on stage that night
and not miss this opportunity. I told him he was
nuts. No way in hell.
I truly believed
it was my father's plane this morning. Tears are
rolling down my face as I type this out. He was
on the first leg of his trip out here to Detroit when
the other plane crashed. When I turned on CNN,
they only had "AA Flight 587 had crashed" on the
screen, and said nothing of it being a flight to the
Dominican Republic or where it had taken off from.
After about 5 minutes they said it crashed into the
New York neighborhood. I still thought it was my dad,
and that it was taken over and flown to New York. This
is when I absolutely lost it. I was going
through my email trying to find his itinerary and it
was nowhere to be found. I started to fuckin' dry
heave. I couldn't remember anything about his
flight - couldn't even remember the airline. Goddamn,
I'm completely breaking down as I write
this.
10:25
AM...
Let me try this
again. Jesus Christ I didn't think this would effect
me so hard. Anyway, I finally found out where it
was headed and was a little relieved. Of course then
the question of whether they would shut down the
airports, but it seems they have not. As well was it a
bomb on the plane, and is this one in many bombs
scattered throughout the country today. I doubt this,
but obviously after 9-11 everything comes into mind.
Rest assured I'll be happy when I see him in 5
hours. I am an absolute wreck right now though. I
slept 4 hours last night (well I was in bed for 4
hours), and my stomache was in knots all
morning...then this. Ugh. Anyway, this was an already
started entry from last night, so I'll continue with
that and wrap up at the end.
So here it is.
Tonight is the absolute biggest show of my life up to
this point. In the past week Charlotte has filled the
room with some incredibly big names. People you'd be
lucky to have at your show by themselves, are now
numbering in the 30's all together. Head of casting at
FOX and MAD TV, casting directors at NBC, and New
Line, development execs for paramount, the Aspen judge
from HBO. Tonight is absolutely enormous. As
I said before, we need the Aspen judge to like it
enough for a callback within DAYS, as they're picking
the 4 finalists in two weeks. Gulp. Charlotte expects
from this show alone to have meetings and auditions
set-up. There's just no other way around it, there are
absolutely HUGE people at this show. And not
unexpectedly it's been a crazy past couple of days. I
decided to write a little bit each day since Thursday
as it's been a freakin' roller coaster. I actually
didn't expect this to be an entry, I was just so
nervous I needed to write...
12:31 PM,
Thursday:
I. Am. Incredibly.
Nervous. I don't mean anxious. I don't mean excited. I
mean NERVOUS. Maybe for the first time in my entire
life really. I don't get nervous. I've always felt
being nervous was a result of being ill-prepared. If
you know your shit, there's nothing to be nervous
about. Well I know I know my shit, but it
doesn't matter. I've never had to prove myself on such
a grand scale. So the questions of whether or not your
good enough is...well good enough - that's what really
gets you. Luckily I've seen a lot of comics, and
one-man shows in this town, and have yet to be
impressed. That's the only thing that makes me feel
better. I know people (especially those whose job it
is to see ALL these comics) will be impressed. (sigh)
- so why isn't that helping. LOL. Well it makes for a
great next entry...which will be...#150!??! Hmmm,
maybe I'll just write a bit each day and make it this
huge cliffhanger entry RIGHT before I go
onstage. LOL. Yeah, that'll rock.
3:07 PM,
Friday:
Goddamnit. Can
I just leave this paragraph blank? Man, this shit
needs to stop happening. I am yet again in a very
difficutl situation that is absolutely the reason "The
Journey" exists. It is a HUGE learning experience that
can really help those of you reading this.
Unfortunately, talking about NOW could jeapordize
things. Then again, I'm quite certain I don't want
this person to ever help me, let alone SPEAK to me,
again. So what to do. As well, it's comPLETEly
effecting myself, Charlotte and the show. (sigh). I'm
gonna let it be for now. Life usually shows the way if
you just sit on it for a day or so. On the nervous
side of things I watched both of my performances last
night and quickly realized...there's nothing to be
nervous about. I'm now just freakin'
excited.
7:45 PM,
Saturday:
I called Paddy
today to give him the good news. He is no longer the
king of talking shit. I kid him because there's
really only 2 things he's ever done to fall into this
cateogory, and it's been a YEAR - LOL. But that crown
now belongs to Gary. I've struggled with this quite a
bit, but the bottom line is that THIS is what
this journal is all about. You seeing how fucked up
the road to success is out here. Maybe Gary doesn't
think anyone will take his word to begin with - so
that's why he gives it all the time when he knows he's
full of it...or maybe he has ulterior motives. I still
don't know. But this past week has been filled, too
numerous to mention even in this long ass entry, with
Gary talking shit. Saying he's bringing 150, then
saying 20, then saying 100 - then me getting word from
the booker at The Comedy Store that she only has ONE
reservation from Gary. That on top of Gary telling me
that I have a lot to learn in this city about
marketing myself. (sigh) He wants me to go to an open
mic night, go on stage and introduce myself, talk up
my show tonight, and then walk off. He's told me to do
this the past 2 weeks, and then berates me as being a
moron when I finally tell him no. First off, how
arrogant would it be to go on stage with
NO material at an open mic comedy night, and tell
people to come to YOUR show, and then walk off.
I can understand being there and having a comic
bring me up and talk up my show...but holy shit
I would never do what he's proposing. Absolutely
assanine, completely worthless, and utterly
egotistical. Can you imagine being in the audience
when someone would do that? You'd laugh them off the
stage. LOL. Anyway, he has added to my stress level
tremendously the past few days to the point where
I will most likely cease my "favors" relationship
with him. This has been building forever though. He
constantly has to call and tell me not only what he's
doing for me, but add in: "See what I'm doing for
you?" Over and over and over again. And then he
confirms things with me at least 6 times. He confirmed
this show honest to GOD 6 times. Each time telling me:
"Well now you're REALLY confirmed." Such a headache.
And with trying to book my dad a flight...good LORD.
This whole situation has been absolute hell. Add to
that just how big the night is - with such a
tremendous amount of industry there...this is gonna be
the build up of a lifetime. Good GOD, what will
tomorrow bring?
10:45 PM,
Sunday:
Remember how
I felt on Thursday? Yeah that's back. Absolute
and utter nervousness. I can't believe it. I've never
been nervous in my life. SOOOO MUCH could happen
tomorrow. So much. SO MUCH. I mean you'd be lucky
to have one of the probably 20 really important people
at this show. One of them could change your life.
Charlotte has gotten them all for ONE night. From
SNL, to MAD TV, from NBC to FOX, from Paramount to New
Line...to HBO and the Aspen Comedy Festival. It's all
right here. Gulp. This, is, huge. Maybe I need to
watch the show again to calm myself down. Heh. Ahh
well, tomorrow's the day. God this is gonna be the
build-up from hell for you guys. Most likely
I will not have time to do an entry until my dad
leaves which is late Thursday. LOL. If anything
monumental happens, I'll surely drop you all a line
even if it's not a complete entry. Ugh, I actually
have to try and sleep soon? RIGHT.
Well I did end up
getting to sleep around 3:15, but got up at 7:20. And
was tossin' and turning badly. And now after the
morning I've had I am completely exhausted. I may
have to get a nap in here somewhere. Man of ALL the
days. Honest to all that is holy in this world, I have
never been so shaken. Even the feeling I got
watching the 2nd tower fall doesn't compare to this. I
was sure my father was on that plane. I know I'm
gonna lose it when I see him too. I'm just a
fuckin' wreck. I would blame some of this emotion on
how stressed I am already, but it's acutely 2
diferent feelings. When I think about tonight, I
get a certain feeling of stress, and when I think
about this morning, it's completely on the other side
of the emotional spectrum. All I know is that it
certainly doesn't help.
I have to admit,
it's almost cruel to send this entry off today, and
then make you wait. This is truly the MOTHER of all
cliffhangers that has ever happened.
GOD LOVE #150. Feel free to reply at
adam4tvs@gmail.com
and tell me what you think of me. LOL.
Every
imaginable emotion. And certainly some I
couldn't imagine. Good LORD, and it's
feasible that tonight will top all of
this. Wow. In thinking of this entry's
video I looked for the last moment in
which I felt such elation, such a sense of
accomplishment. That moment is most
definitely when we finished the final TV
in late July. The second I knew we
were done I was quite excited. Of course
I was dressed as Spencer, and boy
does my normal voice coming out of
Spencer's mouth look funny. So here it is,
the
last
take
for "The Trinitrons".
