(I fully intended for the
title to make you sing that song)
1:34 PM, Friday,
August 31st, 2001:
In the tradition
of great news on round numbers in this "journey" I
will do my best to hide how amazingly depressed I
am.
oops.
For a plethora of
reasons (only one of which was being underpaid) Jess
began looking for a new job early this summer. It was
actually kind've fun for her. She interviewd with UCLA
for some stuff, went to job fairs. I have to admit -
it was wonderful watching her explore career options.
You could see her confidence grow as she saw how
impressed people were with her resume and ability.
Nothing gives me more pride than to see her grow
independent of me out here. Knowing that I was the
sole reason for her coming out here, it's heartwarming
to see her succeed - and truly necessary for our
relationship. Not sure if I can handle much more guilt
in this department. Had she just been doing shitty
work all this time and gaining nothing personally out
of it - I'd be a wreck. To see her have some
fulfillment and respect from her peers is just
awesome.
So she is now in
training (out of town for MONTHS. I'll get to that
later)...for Boston Market. Yes the recent McDonalds
acquisition (along with Donatos and Chipotle for you
Columbus natives...) decided to pay Jess quite a bit
more than she was making at Callendars...as well prep
her for a general management position at a Woodland
Hills store next year. So this is a lateral move for
now, but they want the GM training to start in
February. May seem a long ways away until you realize
the training for even the lateral move is 3 months.
Yes, 3 months - out of town - in a hotel. Sweet sunuva
bitch that is a long time. It's a little over an hours
drive depending on traffic...and although it's not
that long - when you work 11 hours a day...it
certainly is. The tentative plan is me going up there
once a week, and of course her coming back during her
2 days off. It'll probably be kind've fun for about a
month...but it's depressing the ever-lovin' hell out
of me. My whole life revolves around Jess. Her
schedule is MY schedule since I've turned into a
slave to Bob (more on THAT later - it's gonna be
a big entry)...so I am just wallowing in the duldrums.
Anyway, so far the training is nothing to write home
about, though she admitted to nearly crying when she
put on her "Boston Market" hat. LOL. As a trainee she
has to wear it, and it sure feels like one step up
from McDonalds. Calendar's was quite swanky....stars
galore...uhm no hats. Heh. But it's only for training
- and the money is well worth it. In fact, it
officially changes our lives out here. Which scares
the shit out of me. So welcome to depression point
#1:
I wholeheartedly
believe the "struggle" is what has made me survive.
It's different for everyone, but for me in particular
- I have to be barely makin' it to be my most
productive. I need to be scared. I need to be close to
chaos. Having no money in 2000 made me create some
INCREDIBLE things. God what a year! Scrimping and
saving and scheming and thinking... that feeling is
dissipating quickly. We're gonna be fine, the bills
are gonna be paid with or without me now. Though it
should be a sense of security...it isn't. No I take
that back - IT IS...and I don't WANT that
security yet...but I do - DAMNIT.
Now partner that
with what may be the most non-productive month of my
life and you see how my spirit is dying. I don't even
give a shit about The Trinitrons anymore. Again, of
course I do...but I don't think about it anymore.
I can watch a whole movie and concentrate on just the
movie!!! As much as I'm happy that money won't be so
much of an issue now, I semi-yearn for debt. I am
indebted to people that gave us money when we came out
here, and they'll get a check the second that
development deal is signed, but the day-to-day
struggle is what I am beginning to miss. And you can
blame all that on Bob.
Bob, who probably
still has never even heard of what we've been telling
his agents, is haulting my entire life. As well, Bob's
face is on tv twice a day and it makes me crazy. So
much time has been wasted trying to get his agents to
even speak to us. The one guy we had talked to went on
vacation and "handed it off to another agent" - she
had no clue who we were and we had to start all over.
Made
her a new tape, here's
the first
minute
with MJ's new song behind it, and have yet
to hear back from her. I just want an
answer - I honestly dont care if it's
no. He's playing tonight at the Laff
Factory - I should just go up to him with
a tape and ask if he could help me out.
Man, I'm not doing
to well at keeping his anonymity am I. LOL. You could
call Laff Factory and see what "Bobs" are playing and
solve the mystery. Not that it would be a big deal if
I said who he was right now anyway...just trying to do
everything right as to not screw up our
chances.
Bob, I swear to
GOD it'd take about 20 minutes of your time. PLEASE my
fellow comic man. PLEASE. Heh.
And GODDAMNIT
I miss J-Dog. I am so pissed about this.
I just know some "neighbor" saw him outside of
the complex more than once and decided he/she could
provide a better home for J than I could.
Sunuvabitch...if that was true - I would truly
have to be restrained. I can't stand not knowing
what happened to J. (sigh)
Oh, the fire
thingee last entry was quite amazing, and no one was
hurt. Just in case any of you were truly hanging on
the cliff that was entry #139. I have a little
video but it's rather unimpressive especially over the
net. The new Trinitrons bit is better.
So there it is...
what a strange way to be depressing. More money,
struggling less, and sitting on my ass for a month
doing nothing. This makes me want to shoot myself.
