I toyed with the
idea of NEVER bringing this up, but this just needs to
be. It has effected me SO much, taught me so
much, and I just GOTTA pass it on to you.
It's indeed part of the character development
I try so hard to document in this
journey...
I'm
going to describe a situation to you that
is so cut and dry, so obvious, that you
will swear that I'm adding my own bias
somewhere. I must be telling half the
story. Hell, for the last 24 hours I'VE
thought I was missing something. What I
didn't realize, was that I was on a
different planet. The 4th planet from the
sun is NOT Mars, it is Hollywood. The best
part about this, is because I've
BARELY ever spoken of this person in
these entries, I can tell this story
generically..."I
Love LA"
In March I lent 4
DVDs to a friend. For 3 months I called over 10 times
asking for them back, and he blew me off. Even
belittling me for being so anal for wanting them back:
"I've had friends borrow my things for 6 months!" was
a common retort. When I did get them back, the back of
my Jordan DVD had water damage. In fact it was
STILL damp when I got them! When I expected
compensation, he belittled me further by trying to
make me feel ungrateful for his past favors. "What
have you done for me? You really expect me to replace
a $15 DVD?".
I was quite taken
aback. It seems universal to me, that when you lend
something to someone, you deserve it back in the
condition you lent it: PERIOD. It wasn't like the
insert was just a little BENT or something, it had
water damage. Not only did I expect compensation, I
expected quite an apology. I mean he blew me off for
how many months? And then this? He kept saying
I was disrespecting him after all he'd done for
me. But what he had really done, was take advantage of
my time and good heart. Moreso than any human being
I've ever met. Example?
"I got you a job
man! $60 to come out and videotape my friend's show,
you supply the $10 digital tape, and make some VHS
copies for us...as well - make a video presentation
for him to use on stage in his one-man show, and if
you could design his flyer in photoshop? Oh and don't
do it as a favor to me."
LOL. And this
is actually one of his more generous schemes. Well
I've always helped him out. Doing favors is the key to
success in this town, and if I can, I
will.
But what I
realized in the coming moments of this incredible
event, is that I actually care about the people I
help. Ya know? Take Marshall and Pep Talk for
instance. It had it's head aches, and ended up being
MUCH more work than I was prepared for - especially
for free - but I care about Marshall. I want him to
succeed. I know that if he can help me down the
road he will - and vice-versa. For instance he
introduced me to Charlotte, right? He doesn't hold
that over my head as if he's responsible for the
success of The Trinitrons now - he's genuinely happy
he could help. I feel the same way. It's a feeling
that you know this person wants to see the best for
you. And for cryin' out loud, if I ever borrowd a DVD
and poured WATER on it, I'd feel quite embarrassed and
apologize profusely. Especially if he left a message
in which he was obviously frustrated and angry. In
fact, most HUMANS would...I'm not special
here.
But what
transpired with this other guy was so amazing, so
astounding, I felt like I was on another planet.
I mean forget the attack I got on the phone from
him:
"After all I've
done for you mother-fucker? After all the favors I've
done? What the fuck have you done for ME KONTRAS? I
spread your name ALL OVER THIS TOWN.
I ALWAYS bring up your name if someone needs any
digital camera work done...and you're gonna lose
THAT for a $15 DVD? How can you be so petty?
That'll be the most EXPENSIVE $15 you EVER spend
MR."
...DUDE COMES TO MY APARTMENT.
I'm in the middle of quite an important meeting with
Charlotte being that we were supposed to FILM today,
and he fuckin' goes OFF. It was border-line psycho. I
mean, this was one of the nicest, most mild-mannered
people I had ever met, but heaven forbid you don't
treat him like your savior. That was the problem.
I obviously had NO PROBLEM losing his
friendship over this DVD. I mean at first it never
crossed my mind, because I figured he'd pay for
it...but after this I was thinking: "Wow, for only a
$15 DVD, I get to NEVER deal with this shit
again". And you wanna know why this angered him so?
Because this favor he did for me - LOL - the $60 sweat
shop work pays better favor? Well, now he had to go
back to his friend (whose show is this weekend) and
tell him that he'll have no one to make his flyer, no
one to produce his video and no one to tape his show.
LOL. So then he steps up to me a bit. I was sitting
down and he inveded the ol' "personal space". "Get out
of my apartment". I stood, went to the door and
said: "LEAVE - NOW". He stood in my face about 6
inches from me, and beraded me more. I asked him to
leave a total of 11 times. I was actually a bit
nervous. I didn't think he'd hit me, but what kind of
mental stability must you have to first of all do this
at someone's house
IN FRONT OF PEOPLE YOU DON'T KNOW,
and secondly to ignore someone telling you to leave?
I had absolutely no power. I was very close
to calling the cops when Charlotte, who had stepped in
the hallway after a few minutes of this, stepped back
into sight. He finally did leave. And I was extremely
shaken up. But my oh my do I have some great
lessons to build from here.
1. I really need
to CHILL on my openness about how much I'm
struggling. I
have always been open with it, because it helps people
relate. It is indeed character development. It effects
so DEEPLY how I react to situations. Right now
Jess and I are actually saving pennies...and that
visual image gives you a clue to what I'm going
through. The guilt I feel when she has a bad day at
work. All of that. But what it does do, is allow
people to use you in a tremendous capacity. As if
dangling $20 in front of you is a favor to YOU, when
it is indeed a favor to them. By being open about your
finances - even when they're good - you're setting
yourself up to be riducled for being so CHEAP, or
ridiculed for being ungrateful. It can effect your
reputation in this town, and can hurt your contacts in
the future. And I WILL NOT allow that to happen.
I do care about the truthfulness of "The Journey", but
I sure as hell won't jeapordize my future by being too
honest. I am TOO DAMN CLOSE.
A. Please
understand, that I'm still gonna call people out to
some degree. I believe wholly in the "burning
bridges" phenomenon I wrote of in Entry #104. I'm
not burning a bridge when I reveal that someone
treated me like complete shit. They are burning a
bridge to ME. Now obviously I did not use this
person's name, and I will not speak badly of
this person to ANYONE who doesn't implicitly ask
for advice about him. What I will do, is make sure
I NEVER, EVER, EVER do business with this
person, or be associated with any project he's in.
I've seen a very shocking side of him, and will not
be taken advantage of any longer.
2. Layered favors,
HAVE TO END.
Videotaping someone's show for them is a
HUGE favor to begin with...supplying the digital
tape stock AND MAKING COPIES is way, way,
way too far. I have every right to say: "$5 per
dub, and you supply all the tape" - because if you go
to any dubbing house and ask for 3 copies of something
- their SET-UP fee alone will be $50. And no,
throwing someone $20 for the WHOLE thing doesn't
make-up for it, it compunds the insult. One of his big
manipulation points was: "Hey, I'm barely making
anymore than you by directing it!!" Yeah, well that
was your choice. It is a favor to that person to EVEN
SHOW UP AND videotape it. There's your
favor! You're welcome! I have to start seeing that.
Multiple favors to someone on ONE project, will
be looked upon as ONE FAVOR.
3. Make
GODDAMN SURE, both parties understand who's
helping who.
This is the
part that makes me fucking SICK. It goes against every
moral fiber in my body. A favor should be
unconditional and without expectations. Well, not in
this town. And if you believe that - you will get it
in the ass like I just did. If you consider what
you're doing "a favor" to that person - FUCKIN
TELL EM. Make it CLEAR.When they say shit like:
"Don't do it as a favor to me", say immediately
"I am doing it as a favor to you!" and if they
have a problem with that - DON'T DO IT. Because
they will USE IT AGAINST YOU in the
future. You have to be IMPLICIT here. "I am doing
you a favor" - a normal person should feel like a
slimy piece of shit throwing this in someone's face,
but it has to be done. A novice in this town will
think: "JESUS what a DICK, can't he just be
unconditional for a friend?" - then hopefully that
same person will go through what I went through
and realize I wasn't being a dick...I was
simply avoiding disaster. This lesson will be THE
hardest for me to learn. I will however live it
from this point on.
What is really
great about all of this, is that it happened with
someone that was so obviously in the wrong, that I can
get some great lessons out of it - and not stress too
much about it. Granted, I have of course. I was so
shaken up when he left I felt the need to talk with
Charlotte for an hour just for some mental validation.
Mental abuse is quite powerful in that sense. Much
moreso than physically. Had he come over and punched
me...I'd immediately know there was something wrong
with HIM. When someone CONSTANTLY manipulates you and
turns things around, and tries to have mental power of
you - you feel attacked. And it's not so cut and dry
as to who was wrong. But again, it didn't take much
time to realize: DUDE damaged something I lent
him, and then tried to make it my fault. Ahem...wrong.
LOL.
So there you have
it. It's a tough lesson because it's give and take.
You need to do favors out here, and give of your time
for less than you're worth - but you also need to know
that balance and be cautious. I pray that someone
reads this someday, and avoids what happened to me -
'cause had it not been for how incredibly pumped I've
been about The Trinitrons lately...this event would've
really fucked with me for awhile.
Speaking of The
Trinitrons...oddly enough because of him interrupting
our meeting - Charlotte and I never had a chance to
set up the camera and do some tests and we now have to
do that TODAY, which was supposed to be our first day
of shooting. No problem though - we bumped it to
Monday and Wednsday for the first 2 tvs - and the last
2 are still right on track for 2 weeks later. Expect
The Trinitron Chronicles: Part Two on Monday morning,
and PART 3 a week later.
