I know I said
that I'd introduce you to "The Trinitrons" for this
entry, butit now seems that Michael Jordan's return is
more than just a rumor. Whereas the first reports a
few weeks ago could be blown off as excited fans
"hoping", the fact that Abe Pollin (another Wizards
owner) now has "gut feelings" (and Michael's
insistence on 99.9% sure he's not coming back), it's
quite reminiscent of 1995. I don't wanna pull
"sportswriter" here, but...well I'm pulling
"sportswriter" here. If you could care less about
Michael Jordan, feel free to skip to the last few
white paragraphs (DON'T SKIP
'EM THIS TIME - LOL) to catch up on other
news...
Mr.
Jordan,
In March of
1995, you turned my life upside-down by announcing
your return to the NBA. I taped EVERY game that
year, and every play-off game for the rest of your
career. In November of that same year, I had
the opportunity to meet and talk to you in
Cleveland. The following April I sat in the locker
room with you again as you tied the All-Time record
for wins in a season. You had an immense impact on
my life, and none more impressive than the final 40
seconds of your last game in which you drove for
the lay-up, stole the ball, and hit the
championship winner. You ended your career in a way
the rest of the sports world can only dream of. I
mean JESUS MAN, you retired winning 3 straight
titles...then came back, DID IT AGAIN -
AND HIT THE CHAMPIONSHIP WINNING SHOT!
Disney executives wouldn't even greenlight THAT
script. It's a story I will tell my
GRANDKIDS man. It's mythic. It's
unprecedented. And it's about to have a
footnote...
A footnote
where a 39 year old man (yes, THIRTY-NINE next
year) plays on a LOTTERY team with a bunch of
immature, untalented 20 somethings, and overweight,
coat-tail riding veterans. Your will can overcome
quite a few things, but it will never overcome
time. You'll play about 15-20 minutes a game. You
MIGHT average 20. You certainly won't hit 50%, and
you WILL NOT make the playoffs. You will be
the HANK AARON of basketball. The one thing
you said you'd NEVER be. And you can't turn
back from this. Once you start this 3rd comeback,
you'll have to keep going further and further. If
you fail at first...you'll have to run it into the
ground. You'll be so stubborn to think you can do
it, you'll play ANOTHER year....you'll hit 40
on the basketball court. You think Sports
Illustrated was unfair with "Bag-It Michael"?
JUST WAIT.
Listen, if Phil
and Scottie were strugglin' in Chicago...I't'd make
more sense. Pick up Chris Webber and go for another
3. But the Wizards? Richard Hamilton? Jahidi White?
COURTNEY ALEXANDER?
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?
I mean Chcago just beat the Wizards a few nights
ago. Why would you possibly go through with this.
Which begs even more questions...
-Ticket
sales low? I see they're taking deposits on
2001-02 season tickets...are you trying to get
bites on the rumor though you know you're NEVER
gonna play again?
-Simple
stock booster? These rumors can't
hurt.
-Keep
interest in a failing NBA? There were empty
seats in the PLAYOFFS last year.
Goddamn.
I know
those are utter bullshit, and I can't IMAGINE you'd
keep this going for such immoral reasons, but these
are the questions that HAVE to come up when you
allow the comeback rumors to persist with your
99.9% quotes. Let me say what I'll truly believe
until I hear you say it (or fax
it)...
I believe
that you're just getting in shape 'cause you grew
that pot-belly you talked about in 1993. The best
way you know how is by playing some B-Ball. Your
competitive juices are flowing, and you go out
there every time...just testing yourself. It's a
zen trick. You're putting yourself
IN THE NBA...and enjoying the game. Who
knows, maybe you've still got it. But I have a
feeling when it's all said and done, a slight
injury this summer will open your eyes. You'll
think it's minor, but then you'll see the recovery
time of a man approaching his 40's. It ain't worth
it. It just isn't worth it.
YOU THE MAN DAN ORR.
I flip to "Who wants to be a millionaire" last
week and POW! There's my
ELEANOR LESBO friend: Dan Orr from QFM. And
dawg has the balls to GUESS for $125,000 rather than
take the $64,000 and run. TOTAL GUESS. Uhm,
totally wrong - but STILL. Mad props to you Mr. Orr.
You did great.
So I'm goin' back
over the past 118 entries (man some of those videos
are funny), and watched the "unreleased" Dave Foley
video, that Dave did for me back in November that
I didn't want to post because I told him it
was for friends and family. Well you all know this is
a "friends and family" site, but I still didn't want
to be a DICK and just post it to the world.
I then watched it again and man...he's such a
COOL freakin' guy to have done that for a
SCRUB SET P.A. You gotta see it.
I think
that's what makes it so special...ya know?
He did it just for me and my friends, with
no expectations other than to make my
day... and I want to reward that type
of sincerity. Obviously if I ever get word
that someone associated with him wants it
taken down for ANY REASON, that's
fine...but until then - please watch this
video
from
November...it's
quite cool.
I played some
softball with Fred Willard yesterday in the park
behind my apartment. How obtruse is that? LOL. You may
not recognize his name, but you know his face. He's
been doing comedy in movies
and tv for
YEARS. Most
recently on "Best in Show"...in which he got quite a
bit of Oscar buzz because he was so damn funny. Too
bad the academy treats comedy like the plague. I'm
thinking of getting the "Best in Show" DVD and asking
him to sign it if I see him out there again. Is that
annoying or flattering? We'll find out...
And finally, this
is the last you will hear a teaser of the big secret
I've been talking about for the past few months. LOL -
not a baby. Dawg actually emails me and says: "Boy or
girl" - UHM NO. Wouldn't be building that up
right now. And how the hell can that be something you
work on for 3 1/2 months? LOL. I go back and
forth whether or not anyone will think it's a big deal
except me - but then I realize I'm just too close
to it all, and it is indeed pretty cool. Pretty
amazing. And when you check your mail Wednesday
morning, April 18th...you'll be able to decide for
yourself.
For now -
LET IT BE MIKE.
PLEASE DON'T ADD THE FOOTNOTE.
...but if you
do... WOO HOO!!!
I'LL GET TO SEE YOU PLAY AGAIN!!!!
I'll tape every game!!!! I'll actually pay
outrageous prices to see a WIZARDS-LAKERS
GAME!!!! KOBE and JORDAN!!!!
THAT'LL FREAKIN' ROCK!!!
!@#$%^&*!
