On what could've
been the call that would've allowed Jessica to apply
for classes on the last possible day, I'm told to that
I need
to go to school to learn video editing on an Avid.
It's these kind of ironies that I used to treat with
grandeur in the entries, but now I've simply come to
expect.
Jessica now misses
the 1st Quarter that she wanted to go. And finally all
those "it will happen" people can shut the hell up.
LOL. I swear, does everyone live in the clouds? I
think it's that everyone takes my logical thinking as
"negative". Sometimes logic is negative people. And my
ability to see that is what keeps me grounded. As it
stands now, I myself would probably have to go to
school, pay a helluva lot of money, to even be
considered for some of the low-level editing jobs out
here. No matter how good my "demo reel" is (and it
ain't that good). It's a nice slap in the face.
Especially considering I have the raw talent to
thrive in so many areas, but I've never chosen one and
ran with it.
Radio maybe
I did. Whew - the R word. Believe me, it's been
bangin' around in my head. Where I used to not want to
be back in it, for Jessica I'd do it in a heartbeat.
Unfortunately, as I've said before, this is the #2
market in the world for radio. The best of the best of
the best in all positions come here or New York. I'd
be lucky if I got a minimum wage gig in radio. I
can make more money at a bank or
something.
And that's the
other thing. All of this just for money, this is not a
career thing. That's a completely different issue.
It's amazing to me that you can't just do some sort've
labor - 40-50 hours a week, and support 2 mouths and a
1 bedroom apartment. I don't care how hard the work
is, I just want to be able to look Jessica in the
eyes and say she can go to school. And I know she now
believes she will have to work for the rest of her
life at a job that she hates. If it's not this one,
it'll be another restaurant job - and without me
bringing in enough to support her, she won't be able
to switch gears. And the problem is? In this town? May
she be right? If all I really have to show is 5 years
of experience in radio - are we going to have to
move to another city for it to work?
And in all honesty
I do feel blindsided. You come out here with specific
cards in your hands, and 2 1/2 years later it's
completely reversed. Had I known Jess wanted any of
this before - she could've gone to school in Ohio! She
didn't know then. That shift is devastating. It makes
me feel like a failure in multiple ways now and
certainly not the intention of Jessica whatsoever. Now
throw in this:
Judy Brown's
assistant (Aspen Comedy Festival) dug The Trinitrons
tape a lot. I'm in the running yet again. He mentioned
that it's so different than what usually gets accepted
that my chances are slim, but it's also so well done
it will get a big shot. All of which I had
assumed well beforehand. It was ignorant of anyone to
ever think this was a type of show for Aspen, because
it's not. It's so far removed from the normal
dramatic/poignant/comedic one man shows out there.
It's just funny, it has no depth. It's just a talent
show-off. Might be good for a sit-com, but it's almost
insulting to other well-written one-man shows. The
only thing that keeps it even in the running is the
4tvs concept is just sooooooooooooooooo
different.
Charlotte, why on
earth did you have to be so insecure? Had you just
accepted some of the responsibility for making some
bad decisions - we'd still be scheming. But you had to
turn it all on me. I can only imagine what you think
now, as it's more and more obvious by the day how
wrong you were. Boggles the mind what you did to
me.
And of course I
was married to Burg on December 9th. LOL. Not really a
painful day anymore. Just a day to think about it and
sigh really. You know if the world was a fair place,
you'd put in your "depression" time and be rewarded at
the end. Of course in the real-world, you're only
rewarded when you're PERKY - and HAPPY - and UP! And
Excited! You don't give jobs to the people who REALLY
need them. LOL. Man I think of weird things
sometimes.
And
the greatest of all ironies,
today's
video.
This video should be for the last entry
and vice versa. The last video was
depressing, when I was happy, and now
we have a happy video with a depressing
entry. I can't do anything right can
I.
Well neither can
David Chase so there. Someone needed to die last night
in the Sopranos season finale. Period. The show was
wonderful, the scenes with Carmella and Tony were some
of the best acting I've ever seen. She won the emmy
last night NO DOUBT. Period...but Adrianna needed
to die. Something. Someone. I know it was
expected, but so what. So much of the last episode was
"Oh yes...here we go" only for nothing to happen. It's
as if we're in the middle of one big 2 year season.
All being set up for the final fifth season. And that
could very well be, but that was the charm of the
first 3 years - they could do both. It was all so well
executed before. The seasons all went together, but on
their own - they were 13 hour movies. As well as 1
hour movies. Brilliant. Season 4 wasn't.
Oh
well.
Still nothing can
be more boring than my entries this year. God my
entries have SUCKED this year. I started thinking
about the year-end video and well... Uhm. LOL. There's
nothing. HA. God I'm deliriously depressed apparently.
I actually find this funny.
Anyway - I have a
nice talk with the Aspen dude later in this week to
look foraward to. He seemed incredibly nice.
