Now I'm pissed.
The J-Dog saga goes to a WHOLE 'nother
level.
As you may
remember I had to get rid of J-Dog because he
apparently peed in someone's apartment. Well over the
past 6 weeks since J-Dog was relocated, the story from
"soiree-thrower's" end got more suspicious by the
moment. What was once one spot became 3 spots, and the
incessant use of the term "spraying" when referring to
J-Dog just irked me even more. J-Dog's been fixed
since 1996. What was once written off as just
ignorance about cats has now turned into out and out
suspicious bullshit. The fact that they bought all the
cleaning equipment, rented and returned it - then 3
days later made this known and asked for money
certainly looks bad. Seems as though their cat (who
IS NOT fixed) pissed everywhere - they cleaned it
up and wanted to blame it on someone. The fact that
they never mentioned it until they cleaned everything
and there was no evidence. Then they bitch to the
apartment complex and get their whole apartment
professionally cleaned again 'cause J-Dog now pissed
in 3 places. !?!!? (sigh).
So as you know
from before, I had to get rid of him and he was
hangin' out at another complex with no problems. Well,
J-Dog is now gone. (sigh) It's been over 3 weeks since
J-Dog was last seen. I personally haven't seen him for
over a month. He is officially gone...again. As was
the fucking case last time, I get to sit and
wonder what the hell happened to him forever. Did some
asshole steal him, or was he given a good home. Is
that even possible with J-Dog? Is he hurt? Is he dead?
God-fuckin' damnit. Another fall of sadness. I would
honestly rather him be put to sleep then be in any
sort of pain or starving...
All of this
because of what now seems like a complete "framing".
"Soiree-thrower's" shiftiness doesn't help
either. He freakin' screamed at the apartment
manager's supervisor because she said she couldn't
smell any urine. Scared her enough to leave his place
and never come back. At least now people can see that
the night he blew up and screamed obscenities at me
during a party for not wanting to shake his hand was
ANYTHING but an isolated incident. So on one hand
the justification is nice, but on the other - my
freakin' animal soul-mate could be in some horrible
danger now. I freakin' hate this feeling. Yeah,
I know he found his way back after 4 1/2 months
last year, but lightening doesn't strike twice. And
this isn't Mayberry, it's LA - a BIIIIIIIG city. So I
just get to be freakin' angry, and bummed for a few
months. Luckily Hijack has turned into an amazing pet
over the past few months and he does lessen the pain.
But DAMNIT to think this was all just someone trying
to get their carpets cleaned 'cause THEIR cat pissed
everywhere....whew. Ahh well, moving on.
Have a meeting
with Michele tomorrow to help her with her site, and
to talk about everything "manager-wise". I cannot
express how amazing it feels to hear someone of her
stature in this industry tell me what managers are
"supposed" to do. She's been doing this for over 20
years and as well, has no vested interest in me other
than we're both artists and she thinks she can help me
out with some of her contacts. She doesn't want to use
me to further her career (hahahaha, that's funny) -
she just sees how much potential I have and
really thinks the right manager will help. And the
more I read some of the things that Charlotte actually
said to me in the year I was with her, the more I just
shake my head. I have a feeling tomorrow's meeting
will be just as eye-opening. Here's
hoping.
It all sucks right
now because I know I'm underachieving, and I feel like
it's almost completely out of my control.
Pre-Charlotte that simply wasn't true. I didn't have
direction pre-Charlotte but I was always
performing and had an innocence about me that kept me
hungry. I kept scheming. I kept dreaming. Now? I'm
honestly still slammed from what occured in the last
year. It seems like the only other answer right now,
is someone sitting me down and seeing a road for
me...
And I'm
RIGHT BACK where I started from! Isn't that
why the Charlotte situation got so out of whack Adam?
You were so desperate for direction that you gave her
EVERY bit of power because she had a direction
for you? You did everything word for word. You hung on
her every sentence. You believed her
sooooooooooooooooooooo much because she seemed to have
all the answers. Cut to 18 months later, and you're
now longing for another situation like that?!?! Again,
so lost, and if someone does show up then you'll just
follow again?
This
is what makes me feel like my only shot is
out of my hands. It's driving me
absolutely bonkers. Cue
video.
WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE 4TVS.
WHY. Why couldn't you have come out here after
highschool Adam. Followed your music career. At least
there's a path there. You could've beat down the doors
for years and still been 21. Now you're a few weeks
from 27 with this GODDAMN 4tvs show that is the
biggest BLESSING and CURSE man has ever
known. Seriously, a concept too good to drop, but too
much to sell.
I know what you're
all saying: "Just do the 2 shows you're already
starting, get out there and perform them and it will
happen". Yeah, I realize that, but the more
I work on "The Journey" show - the more
I realize that it's simply too early. You can't
tell the story of "The Journey" NOW. It has to have an
end. I want so badly to do it, and I know I will - but
now is just not the right time. Luckily I know
myself well enough to know why it's so important to
me: It's creating a positive out of a negative. It's
making my time with Charlotte into a creative,
therapeutic, and entertaining outlet. I was truly
moments away from suicide, and have actual video of me
completely breaking down. As embarrasing as it is, if
done right, there's a truly dramatic and inspirational
story there. But it's just not ready yet.
Maybe tomorrow
will be the start of the comeback. We'll
see.
