Then again, it
ain't really green for money. Believe it or not -
choosing green as 2002's color was completely
coincidental. However once I realized the symbolism of
it - I figured what the hell. What better way to make
my expectations for 2002
STARE ME IN THE FACE ALL YEAR.
So when I'm a complete BROKE-ASS loser come October, I
can type against this GREEN background and
shudder.
2000 was black
on white, 2001 was white on black, and 2002 is grey on
dark green. It seems trivial now, but when looking
back over the entries - it's nice to have a "feel" for
the time frame. You may also notice that the picture
for the entry is now a bit bigger. It always bugged me
that I chose 80x60 for my picture size. Now it's
105x60. Could I be anymore dry to start the new
year...LOL.
Alright, no way to
avoid it. My expectations are HIGH. These are more
expectations right now rather than predictions. I'll
get to the predictions in a moment. But in the year
2002 I expect to become successful. All the maybes of
2001, I fully expect to become reality in 2002. And
truth be told, I expect this in the first half of
2002. When Aspen was still a reality I expected it by
March/April, and that may have to drift into May/June
- but either way: the first half of 2002. Once you
linger into Summer, the develoment deals are all gone.
You gotta wait for 2003.
And yes, I do mean
a television development deal is my expectation. This
is what I've been told to expect since February of
2001. Though I didn't believe it to be possible back
then, after the completion of "The Trinitrons" and the
reactions thus far - I completely believe and expect
to sign a development deal in the coming months.
Could I possibly
set myself up for disappointment
anymore...
LOL. Listen, I've
never done this journey to show how cool I am,
how smart I am or how psychic I am. I've said it
before and I'll say it again: I'm reporting on the
events that happen and the state of my SOUL as I go
through it. If I were to hold back my feelings it
would defeat the purpose. If I were cautious in my
opinoins it would lessen the effect of the events.
What made Aspen so devastating and REAL? My absolute,
sincere belief that it was mine. I shouted it from the
mountain top.
And
if you followed this puppy from the
beginning, you felt the exact same
humiliation shown in this
video.
I want you to feel my failures as
strongly as you feel the successes.
Yes, it FREAKIN' sucks to be publically
humiliated. But THAT is what makes "The
Journey" special. I'm OUT THERE. I
don't hold back. When I succeed it's
the highest of highs, when I fail -
it's gut wrenching.
Heh, it's
everything missing in most movies today. No real
character development, and no real emotion, equalling
no real attachment to the characters on the screen.
It's also what I'm battling with as I write the pilot
and bible to "The Trinitrons". Making these characters
REAL. Not one trait stereotypes that you could care
less about. It's why reality TV blew up so much in
recent years. Real people have DEPTH. Real people are
multi-layered...and it's FREAKIN' difficult to write
REAL people. It's a lot easier to just grab some
and film them. But if you're a great writer, you can
show that depth and create the attachment on any
level.
So in this entry a
year ago I said by year's end I wanted "direction" -
and I found that exactly one month later. So now am I
gonna sign a deal in a month? No. At best, I'd be in
talks in a month. My feeling is that around the time
of Aspen (early March) I'll have talked with many
networks, and will know in what direction I'm heading
with them. Then once Aspen is over, March and April
will be the REALLY crucial months in finalizing a
deal. By May I will be disappointed if these things
have not happened. And I say this only because this is
what I've been prepared to expect for 11 months. I
personally don't know SHIT about how development deals
are put together. Haven't the slightest idea. All I
can do is follow Charlotte's lead, go by the reaction
to the show, and of course the "underwhelmed" sense I
get seeing the competition is a good incdicator. Now I
just wait and see it unfold.
So there's the
expectations. But what do I predict? What does my
heart tell me? Well Aspen has thrown that all out of
whack. I think my yearly "get drunk and videotape it
for honesty" video I did on the 30th may have
shone some light. What came out once all inhibition
was stripped away was simply this: in my heart of
hearts, I can't imagine why a network would sign an
absolute no-name like me to a television development
deal. As I said above, I have no
"feeling" for it. I'm green in this category.
Yes, Charlotte seems confident - and SHE understands
it...but I haven't a clue. And also, there's really
been no positive response from any "industry". Even
the meeting with paramount was just 5 minutes of
pleasentries followed by a snide remark on why I
didn't have a resume or headshot for her. She's a
casting director for christ's sake, so what can she do
without having those? As incredible as "The Comedy
Store" was, the Aspen judges proved that being a crowd
pleaser doesn't account for much. And of course...this
all goes back to Aspen. No matter what the "theme" was
it's a failure, and a glaring one. If you think you
have the best one-man show in the world, and you can't
even make the top 5 for this festival...it shakes you
a bit.
So basically what
I'm saying is I'm a bi-polar mess. My expectations are
sky-high, but I REALLY NEED some sort of
positive feedback from the "industry" to feel assured
about getting a development deal. In the end though,
this really is extraordinary, isn't it? Could "The
Journey" be anymore perfect from a reader's
standpoint? Anyone who's followed all the entries for
two years - has to be somewhat excited at the prospect
of this YEAR 3. The third act of "The Journey". The
fact that the 3 years COULD fit so perfectly into a
3-act structure just blows me away. From the struggle,
to the direction, to the success. And how wonderful to
not be able to skip ahead?!!? You know in the coming
years, people will be able to look back on "The
Journey" as a WHOLE, and will never consider it
breathing and evolving. That sucks. The joy is in the
suspense. Then again, I was able to set
up
"Palaur"
so you couldn't
skip ahead, just maybe I can do the same with "The
Journey" someday down the road.
Anyway,
I'm rambling (what else is new)...it's
time to shut-up and start the year. Here's
the traditional Jess & Adam
video
for New Year's. Ha - you can see the
effects of my previous night's "drunken
shoot": just the smell of wine on Jess's
breath damn near made me hurl - LOL! Ahh
how wonderful. Happy New Year. It's about
goddamn time. Of course It'll probably be
Monday, the 7th before Charlotte can even
think to start making calls on my behalf.
(sigh)
