(click the picture above for
the high definition
video - but also click
YouTube
for me!)
7:10 PM, Monday,
January 28th, 2008:
First of all, no
the FBI didn't contact me, no knock on the door from
the secret service and YouTube didn't pull the video.
Here's the story...
The hour I spent
after I uploaded the last entry's video may have
been the most uncomfortable hour of my life.
I felt like I had just set into motion a
catastrophe. I was sick to my stomach, I was
pacing, my mind was spinning and my entire being told
me this was wrong. Like a monumental
fuck-up and in the end one simple question made me
take it down: "Does this video help anyone?". In the
end, people being more aware of how dangerous this
situation is does nobody any good. People need
to be free to enjoy a rally just as Obama has to let
go and trust in his secret service men. They know how
serious this is. That goofy rent-a-cop may not realize
the severity of the situation, but everyone else
does... and more than that - Obama's organization,
friends and family are well aware of how eerie
these parallells are. They don't want to think about
it. They don't want to focus on it, and they sure as
hell don't need some asshole to sing a fucking
song about it.
My
initial reason for making the video was
personal - I was really freakin'
out about it. Watching that idiot cop
laughing hit a nerve. I wanted to do
something. I felt something needed to
be said. So it made sense to me to make a
video that showed the parallells of '68 to
wake people up. Much like "Leaderless
State"
as I'm putting in this entry. The
intention is to make you angry. Get under
your skin. I like making powerful pieces
that sit with you and make you want to
do something. That was exactly what
my intention was with "Watching History
Again"... but it actually worked
too good.
Now
realize that it wasn't graphic images of
Barack being shot or anything - it was
simply the implication. Seeing the
pictures of Martin Luther King and Bobby
Kennedy just started becoming too
real.
And
then I add in a subtle little effect that
worked on every single person who viewed
it. So much so that it didn't matter that
there's a disclaimer, or that nothing
in the lyrics is actually bad. It's
what I've termed the "crazy" effect. I use
it in every Journey song I've ever made
where I was angry, uncomfortable - or felt
crazy, like this
one from
2003.
I sing the song ridiculously slow, then
speed it up keeping the pitch the same.
What ends up happening is my body twitches
a little too much. You notice it, but the
way it messes with you is almost
completely sub-conscious. It's
uncomfortable to watch but you don't
necessarily know why. The result with the
last video? You all thought I was
going to kill Barack Obama. Even
though nothing I say in the song
comes close:
I
cannot bear to see,
I'm
watching history,
Same
war, same scores, same
themes,
It's
exactly what it
seems,
I'm
watching history
repeat,
So
keep an eye on the
sky,
Or
we will watch a leader
die,
We
know now what we knew
then,
I'm
watching history
again,
It's
40 years ago,
Dear
God he has to know,
Same
hope, same quotes, same
dreams,
It's
exactly what it
seems,
I'm
watching history
repeat,
So
keep an eye on the
sky,
Or
we will watch a leader
die,
We
know now what we knew
then,
I'm
watching history
again...
Because
of how creepy I look, some of you were
sure I said: "I'm making history".
The video was subtitled but your
mind plays a trick on you because of how
I look. Crazy right? The piano chords
are dischordant, even that adds to
it. I'm dressed in black, that
makes you a little unsettled - well
actually, I can show that:
I just look
sinister. That doesn't help. Everything is in
black and white further blurring the line between past
and present - that is creepy. Now it's not like
I was unaware of what I was doing, but I
never dreamed it would be so effective to actually
make people hear different words. But when you put it
all together? It doesn't matter what I'm saying. It
feels bad. It feels unsettling - and it
screams: "I'm the assassin"...
...and it occured
to me what I was setting in motion. This video
would've gotten bigger than anything I've ever
done. I guarantee you my face would be seen by FBI and
secret service men within a week. If I wanted to go to
a rally? Sheeeeeeeeeit. Hell, if I even wanted to
volunteer for Obama, are you kidding? As I sat
there for the hour it was up I was again,
physically sick. My whole consitution was being
rocked. More than anything because I was
having a hard time weighing the intent of the message
compared to the reception of the message without more
feedback...but could I risk waiting to see? This
is the internet man. Once that shit's out there...
you're done.
I imagined being
interviewed on Olbermann having to defend it.
All he would have to say is, "But what about his
family?" and I'd be done. Then I imagined Barack's
kids or family seeing it - and what I kept
hearing from them in my mind was: "Yeah, we're
fucking aware man - we're trying not to think about
it." And that's the line that eventually had me erase
it all. I'm hurting people. I could potentially be
egging on some nutjob that would see the "history"
he could make and I just couldn't bear it.
How would I possibly live with myself if I ever
thought I had something to do with hurting him?
And with so many mixed messages imagine if that
is how I'm remembered? Good luck being a "funny" guy
on a network show. That's the thing with what
I do. Every, single, video that I upload... could
be the only thing anyone ever sees of me - and
could also be the lasting impression of who I am.
So I have to be certain that it says what I want
it to say, or it can't be released. Period. And
honestly? I have that luxury being an independent
producer, which means I have no room for error.
Hard to yell "they fucked me in editing" when I
edited it.
But what a
stunning example of how a director has to be exemplary
in their execution of putting a story together. You
have to oversee every phase and be fully aware of how
each piece effects the outcome. From wardrobe to
action to editing to mixing - if you add too much to
each part, the cup overflows and you end up beating
the audience over the head, when the parts on their
own seem harmless. And in this case with as fast as
I go from idea to execution, it's very difficult
to gauge. Thankfully, I caught a disaster before it
was too late. Some of you have asked if I'll ever post
the video and of course it just depends on how things
play out. I'm happy just forgetting the entire thing
and trying to focus on a funny aspect of the
race and lighten things up at this point. I feel
like I dodged a bullet here...yeah that's a bad
analogy - I'm gonna stop now.
An HGTV report
coming some time this week...from the
guesthouse (which I finally convinced them
I'd stay in and not peek).
