Countdown Entry #16   9:44 AM, Monday, November 15th, 1999:   Fellow 4tvs Supporters,   When my wife left me, it was tough going to work. But I never missed a day...   When I'd KILL myself to make the 'TVN Late Show fun, and Darryl wouldn't bother to listen, that SUCKED...   When I got an idea on November 3rd, 1998 and decided to drop 10 G's that I didn't have on it...that was difficult...   But this is simply the hardest thing I've ever done.   On January 3rd, 2000 - I won't be on the air doing the Late Show. I will be in Los Angeles pursuing 4tvs. So sit back, grab some drink, and listen to Adam try to explain to you why the biggest turnaround in his life came so quickly.   On that Friday (November 5th), I accepted the offer. Finally after months of stress about leaving, when I didn't want to...I had a reason to stay. A full-time on-air position. I was so freakin' relieved. Jessica and I simply didn't want to leave. Oh, uhm Jessica and I got engaged in September. :-) I may not have mentioned that. She's wonderful. Anyway, leaving is scary. It's been the single biggest SLAM on my music career: finding a reason to not pursue it. As you all have read, I kick ass at rationalizing. A great tool in talk radio, but a detriment in life sometimes. Was CD101's offer of The Late Show rationalizing? No, it was their offer...then again I brought it up as a last ditch effort to stay. And that was the moment last weekend where my life started to turn a bit.   I was reflecting on that meeting with Terry when I brought up Joe and I doing a show. I was leaving the meeting with me heading west, and I threw a killer curve ball to try and stay: and it worked. I did it AGAIN. Found a reason to put off puruing music.   So that weekend I started watching my life unfold throughout the next couple of years. I would still be in radio. With a great show (maybe even a morning show in a year or so), I'd feel successful, and I'd stay. By saying yes on that Friday, I was strapping myself in for a long-term commitment in radio...because it would've worked. I have no doubt in my mind that the Joe and I thing would've been great. That's why I couldn't take it.   So it's done. In a horrible roller coaster of emotions, many tears at work, and many more coming tears with relatives- I no longer work at CD101 and will be heading west next month. If I get a New Year's Eve gig, I'll have to take it which would throw me into the following week which would be January 3rd.   "Why LA? You've said Vegas for 5 months!" I immediately ruled out New York and LA because I never thought I'd be able to make a living out there. It turns out I have a cousin who lives in LA and runs a record label. He may have some opportunities for me, and should be able to conjure up a gopher job that will at least allow me to eat. The key is performing there. Doing 4tvs as much as possible. For free if I have to. Don't care there. It's the exposure I need. I have to believe that the right people will see the show there, so my job is to get in front of as many people as possible. And being in LA leaves Vegas close by. Who knows, I just know that LA feels right, and my whole life has been based on "feeling". I'm tending to get get sick of that, but what are ya gonna do?   Would I consider radio? Well I guess I'd have to be nuts to turn down a gig in radio in the #2 market in the country...but I'm done with radio for awhile. My success in radio hampers my dreams. Period.   The rest of my time here will be spent getting some December gigs for 4tvs and saving money. I'm eating ramen noodles for a month folks. Unfotunately I have to put together that GODDAMN editing computer before I leave, and that's another $3000 in the shitter. I'm very close to taking out a loan at this point. I'm sick of stressing about this so much. Then again, maybe I can get some rich guy to sponsor my trip to LA. Who knows.   Oh, and yes Jessica is coming with me - and so is Marty MOOSE. As you all shake your heads in wonderment of our menage et trois, let me assure you it ain't like that. Marty's the kind of guy that jumps on the wagon and never gets off. He's been helping me out for close to two years now, and he's determined to see the 4tvs thing through. He will be chief/bouncer and roadie for me in LA (as well as a third working person bringing money into 4tvs)...his support will help me tremendously.   I could continue for pages on Jessica, but I'm sure you all can imagine what she must mean to me. To tell you the truth, she'll be the perfect barometer for knowing how things are going. She keeps the bias down. If it were just Marty and I, we would stay out there until we were homeless livin' in the 4tvs boxes. :-)   Wow, so there it is. Just watched this clip from my demo. "It in every sense is me, I have nowhere to hide." Takes on quite a bigger meaning now. Whew. Anyway, please try your best to come see the show before the new year. I have 2 performances during Thanksgiving break you can see. The Laughing Ogre and Little Brothers. Hopefully you can catch them.   And of course - TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ALL THIS SHIT. It's pretty big. Your responses always keep me goin'.   Adam

 

 

NOVEMBER 1999