- Entry #35
- 4:50 AM, Saturday, April 1st,
2000:
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- It's been a long week since I
wrote previously. And my entire life is
upside-down.
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- A little after my last entry over
a week ago, Jessica and I got into an argument that
within 24 hours completely changed our lives. One of
those arguments that bring things out you simply never
knew. I'm in shock as I even attempt to write this. I
obviously won't go into particulars here, but last
Monday Jessica gathered as many belongings as she
could and went back home. As it was with Burgundie the
end came swiftly and though still shocked, neither of
us will fight this too much. We were obviously not
meant for each other, and the fact that a weekend
could tear us apart so quickly was proof. I have had
to cancel all 4 of my gigs this week (including the
one later today), to try to sort my life out. This may
very well be the final blow for my life here in
California. What was once a 3 man plan has withered to
one man standing, and I use the term standing
very loosely. After all the hoops I went through with
Sam Ash, they "chose someone else", and wasted 2 weeks
of my time making me think I had the job. Jess
and I were in danger of making an early exit from LA
even before last weekend, and now...I guess a job
in radio's my only hope. I don't know. I cannot
beleive this has happened to me again. Someone really
must want me to have good song material. But I've been
too depressed to get out of bed let alone write. It's
taken me a week to write this. I was able to talk to
Jess on Thursday and though we can still talk, it's
pretty much like we were never together. It's amazing
how two people can live under one roof for so long and
not quite be there. She emersed herself in work out
here until she just couldn't take it any longer. New
paragraph...
-
- My mind is in circles still. Can't
really think of much more to say after this week. A
week spent talking to family for hours, and trying to
figure my life out. Sam Ash was the final blow
yesterday...jesus - all that for nothing. How can a
company afford that? Anyway, I'm dead tired somehow
and I needed to just get this entry written so
you'd all understand why I hadn't written in so
long and why I probably won't be writing anytime soon.
This isn't the type of hurt that you can pick up a
guitar and write, or sit at the piano and write...it's
a bit bigger than music right now. And PLEASE don't
send money. If you'd like to purchase palaur.com
that's fine, but money for money's sake won't help me
now. I need to determine whether I can be
self-sufficient out here or if I need to come home. As
John Lennon poignantly said: "The dream is over...what
can I say?" That's exactly where I'm at. My fight is
gone. It would truly take a miracle for me to stay in
LA. Staying alive is a bigger challenge than promoting
4tvs. (sigh)..can't write much more. Need to sleep.
April Fools.
-
- Really. You did check out the date
first didn't you? Wait, you mean you actually believed
this for THAT long? Wow. This is my wake-up call for
those of you out there so you're on your toes today.
Question everything you hear today. Rest assured that
Jessica is in the other room sleeping and our
relationship is fine. Sam Ash still sucks, but Jess
and I are fine. There will be a full update
tomorrow...you can curse my name and send me nasty
emails now. Then again, when you catch someone
screwin' with you today a bit early you'll
smile.
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- Adam
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