Bullshit. They
want to eat me. We walk funny, therefore we should be
killed. I of course, just love animals and had to have
a little dance with them on the last morning on San
Miguel waiting for the boat. Do enjoy...
See? Ass-beaters.
:-)
I feel slightly
bad however as they warned us to stay about 25 yards
from the sea lions. I really wanted to walk the
whole coastline though, and I know I was a bit
closer, but after that first dude... I stayed as far
as humanly possible without jumpin' in the ocean. It
was an amazing look though...
This whole yelling thing.
It's funny, at first, I thought it was sick
and was all "Are you alright?" And then it
came after me and I soon realized this meant
it was ready for the beatdown. I didn't
know. A lot of them come up by themselves to
die (as you saw in the last entry). Just
human nature to be concerned
I guess.
Black jokes aside, this is
actually an Elephant Seal that felt like
hangin' with the snub-nosed for a bit. That
thing is soooo Gonzo from the Muppet Show.
Goddamn how good was the Muppet Show? My ass
is whippin' that DVD set out after I finish
this entry. Wait, why is this its own entry
again? Oh 'cause I had to make the other
video...
How funny is Antoine Dodson? I
know in the realm of internet memes, he's old news -
but that shit just sticks with you. If you haven't
heard of him, YouTube his name and prepare to be
amazed at the original video where he was interviewed
by the news about his sister being attacked. Then of
course "auto-tune the news" takes it from there. Good
shit man. I'm proud to have had a minor internet meme
with "Let's Bomb Iran" and I always love how randomly
they pop-up. Antoine Dodson deserves his own show
though. Oh and if you're wondering where the hell this
is coming from, you didn't watch the video... and if
you didn't watch the video, what's the point exactly?
Christ I'm rambling.
I guess it's 'cause I said
everything in the last entry and the video speaks for
itself. And good fucking lord people, calm down about
Tammy - this is exactly why I don't put anyone in the
videos 'cause ho-lee shit you all start counting
babies. If I'm determined to "live this life for now"
you all need to be able to "read this entry for now",
because "for now" is all I can depend on. Please don't
make me jump. Please don't push me to believe in
something that I already feel is going to let me down.
I just want to be happy momentarily. It's a massive
step-up from the rest of this year. I'm satisfied with
a few days of smiles, so please just be happy you're
seeing me smile. 'Cause honestly? I'm not smiling now.
I'm in an ocean of molasses and I can hardly
move. I'm so depressed I can barely function. I
am in a terrible place. It's much like it was two
years ago...
Yes two years ago when someone
visited me, and it was wonderful, comfortable and felt
like home. And then she left...
...then she came back to the city,
to live, and you still couldn't commit and now you
can't even talk to her. You do however have one show.
One show that both of you know the other is watching.
And somehow? It talks for you. Remember
this?
"People tell you who they
are, but we ignore it. Because we want them to be what
we want them to be."
Did that hit you like a 2x4 like
it hit me? I told you who I was and you didn't
want that. And now we can't even be friends. Insanely
unfair. When I need a friend close by more than
ever. And man, I'm scared each week to watch that show
because fucking hell do I feel like Don Draper.
Watching him spin... So painful. Such a shitty time in
my life.
GODDAMNIT THE SEA LIONS BROTHER.
DAHHHHHHHHHHH. You should've just done a lazy entry
and uploaded the video and called it a day - but no,
you have to get all dramatic. There was a tiny spark
in that video. For a second I saw Adam. And honestly?
When I'm with her? Adam is there. When I'm on the
phone with friends? I pop-up. I can still play
the game, but godddddddddddd when I hang up. The
thoughts are so intense. I hate the isolation.
Could it make me go back home? Could I have
painted myself into a corner where there's no way out?
What an absolute WASTE this project will be. You know,
say what you want about The Journey, it may kill me
when it's all over - but it certainly pushes me to my
limits. Without it I would've been done in 2004.
Instead I look at pictures like this...
And see 2004 so
vividly I can barely take another breath.
That pregnancy scare. That moment that you
decided it was best to let her go because
a baby would make you move back to
Columbus. Real life hurts worse than any
movie could ever portray. Not in the
overwhelming scene that wins you an
oscar... it's the pain that lingers for a
lifetime. The pain that you think you're
over until you see your ex-wife pregnant
and glowing and it zaps you into the
"alternate" 1985 where Biff married your
mom and you realize you don't have a
DeLorian. You have to make the best of
it.
I said it then, and
I'll say it now - you can't avoid
"What-ifs" in life... you simply end up
choosing between two of them. However when
you pick one, and then lose both? It eats
at you. I'm still proud of what I gave
Jess. There isn't a doubt in my mind that
she is happier than she could ever have
been with me. But I'm still
alone.
The sea lions Adam, for crying out
loud the sea lions. Yeah, yeah - they were cute, they
wanted to kick my ass. They didn't. Life
did.
